Thursday, March 17, 2005
Crystal Clear Look at the Loving & Murderous Michael Schiavo
I have written before about my belief Michael Schiavo?s history and pattern of behaviors and actions fit those of the type of an abusive man. Commentators on this blog and other blog(s) who read and view the press renditions and legal decisions by Greer regard Terri?s family and friends as disgruntled and motivated to basically say and do anything to stop her murder via starvation and dehydration. I believe some project their own need and belief their own loving spouse knows their wishes best, would act according to their wishes, and would therefore greatly resent any family intervention in a situation like this.
I truly can appreciate the need to avoid unnecessarily villifying Michael Schiavo. I didn?t easily come to my decision and choice to indeed villify his actions, behaviors, and especially now? his choice in murdering her. In fact, I found as I went through the early court documents and history of the case, I could see where people would consider it a stretch to even see him possibly guilty of hurting or harming Terri in anyway. His behaviors most certainly were those of a loving and caring husband for quite a while even after she was incapacitated. So how did I bring these loving and kind behaviors into an alignment with those of an abusive and controlling husband?
One of the perhaps most misunderstood things about abusive, controlling, narcissitic/borderline men is that they are not consistently 100% monsters through each and everyday of their day to day lives. The vast majority do have a conscience and can be quite loving for their own purposes. Additionally, they usually most display their pathology in intimate relationships where they experience emotional vulnerability as terrifying and threatening. The love-hate dynamic plays itself out in what we call in object-relations theory good object /bad object. Rage can be seen as coming from fear and worry of being either abandoned or the flip side, swallowed up out of existence by the object and thus rage can be seen as serving as a very primitive means and attempt at re-gaining a sense of control for sense of emotional safety.
There is a reason professionals call it a cycle of violence. There can be years between events of violence as well as mere hours or days. Unfortunately we see the cycle escalates over time without intervention and treatment. Also professionals time and time again see a pattern regarding behaviors on the part of the batterer. As an interesting aside and more evidence to myself as to nature of the pattern in abusers and those they abuse is that we also see the exact same patterns in same-sex intimate relationships.
With limited time on my lunch break, I will only cite a few examples from the media and Terri?s family and friends here. I also understand there are a number of other incidents and experiences by others who experienced Michael?s bullying and intimidation. This link is a good compilation of statements by Michael that also display his highly controlling nature. I would urge you to please read all information yourself. In my eyes I am not looking at one example or incident as an A-ha! moment?it is the gestalt I have written about before of an intimidating and controlling man who seems to fly into rages?
monitoring amount of miles on her car as well as her comings and goings
September 5, 1991 bone scan by Dr. W. Campbell Walker, M.D. lists "compression fracture[s]" throughout Terri?s body and concludes: "The patient has a history of trauma."
In the early 1990?s, Michael Schiavo?s treating psychiatrist, Dr. Peter Kaplan, stated in a phone conversation with Terri?s father, in regards to a violent episode occurring between Michael and Terri?s younger sister Suzanne, that Michael was potentially dangerous and should a situation re occur, to call the police.
Terri talking of divorce to many different people and admitting a great deal of verbal arguments such as his furor about 80$ for haircut
Michael?s ex-girlfriend?s experience of Michael stalking her & her fear of him
I do believe, despite the Schindler?s denial, Terri did most likely suffer from bulimia and that it also fits in with Michael and Terri?s relationship.
His wanting and needing her to be thin as she was experienced as an extension of his self. Terri and her appearance reflected on Michael?s sense of his self.
Let us get back for a moment as my time runs short as to how I was able to reconcile these things and more with regards to Michael being a loving husband and where we sit today concerned he may be allowed to murder her. I am writing now and speculating from my personal thoughts and beliefs and opinions. If you feel there is something I missed or want to bring to my attention to answer or clarify. Please do so. You are absolutely and obvisouly free to agree or disagree with any and all parts. Crystal Clear?
I believe that night in February 1990 it is possible it might have been a mixture between Michael strangling and suffocating her and her collapsing from the imbalance related to her Bulimia. I believe he may have known or had a feeling Terri was considering divorce or was feeling her emotionally separating from him. Perhaps he himself was feeling an ambivalence of loving her but blaming her for his own inadequacies or previous rages. If there was indeed a cycle of abuse going on, there may have been a slow on-going building of tension. Perhaps with regards to not getting pregnant, financial concerns, or something seemingly small like her 80$ hair cut and hair color. This may all have been building up inside with no means of constructively "working it out" earlier, the way healthy couples do as they face the never-ending line of problem-solving events in marriage and life.
Michael gets home late in the evening after a hard night of work at the bar/restaurant. Somehow?Obviously I am guessing here?something she said or did pissed him off?perhaps he was flirting with a pretty woman earlier at work and felt trapped being married?perhaps she got up to wretch or just was making too much noise for him as she used the bathroom and he was trying to fall asleep?whatever it is?
He goes into rage mode?How dare she??Doesn?t she know how hard he works??He goes into this rage mode not necessarily with the intent to murder her?but he is huge and strong?she is small and weak?He just wants her to shut up and be quiet so he can get his well-desrved rest? ?She, perhaps because she has wretched recently, collapses completely because the stress of his smothering/strangling her on top of her recent wretching is too much for her stressed body?Or perhaps she may have struggled a bit but she just knows he really does love her and she really believes he will stop?His rage eventually comes to an end and there she is?.What the heck has he done to the woman he loves??? What the heck has he done to his wife???
I can see how the good husband behaviors of Michael continued for quite a while from this point?Out of both guilt and love?Perhaps I will write further on that another time?
ayahuasca vine 4:11 PM|